The things that Matter :)

I know it has been a long time since my last entry but here it is. I recently just ran a half marathon this past Saturday and it felt amazing. I always thought that running a long race like 13.2 miles would be an impossibility. I have gained so much more motivation in the last few months that I would never have thought would be possible. I am so grateful for all my friends and family that have supported and encouraged me to reach farther and further for things. I have a new found motivation to achieve more things. When I lost the weight I initially thought it was all about a number but I realized that it was more than that....It was about digging deep within myself and finding the person that had been hiding from the world.

I guess the thing that I have to admit is that their are obstacles along the way. There are times that I have fear that I will gain the weight back and let people down but I realize now that it is all about a journey and pushing through the hard times and reaching farther and further ahead of us. We live in a world where people try to make us into people we aren't. I think the most important thing is to realize that we already are important.. We all are beautiful and extraordinary people. We all have our own gifts...We all have our own quirks as well and we need to be proud of the skin we are in and savor the experiences and opportunities we are all given in this life. When we want to give up....we got to just keep fighting and pushing through. We got to keep getting up when we feel like the world has knocked us down and we have to know that in the end the most important thing to remember is that we matter and always matter no matter what!

don't forget to smile and don't forget that I believe in you  and I love you!

LOOK AT YOURSELF AFTER WATCHING THIS.mp4

Five for Fighting - Superman

Half Marathon Adventure

I am pretty much the craziest person! I have been trying to find a way to make my job more meaningful and rewarding. I decided that I would do something that I have viewed as nearly impossible and sign up for a half marathon!! I am going to dedicate each mile to the kids on the team that I work with at. I have challenged all my kids to have good behavior so that they are able to support me on that day. I know that I am going to be in pain and be sweating up a storm but even if I am in tears by the finish line I know that it will all be worth it in the end. My training starts tomorrow....I feel that this will be a good way to show how far I have come since losing 30 freakin pounds. I will need all the support and motivation out there....so please give me all the help ya can and if you are in Layton City on October 8th be there at the finish line. Never doubt the impossible.. for the impossible things can always be made possible through faith. Love ya all :)

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Confidence

It is crazy how experiences in our lives can make us lose  confidence. I spent so much time fearing that I would fail. I feared that if I would put effort into something like losing weight I would fail and not be able to show others that I could follow through. I lacked confidence when it came to relationships as well. When I went to college I didn't go to meet someone to marry. I went there to get an education. I did meet guys and was in a relationship at one point but it wasn't a good experience. He always made comments about my appearance and would even stoop so low to saw that if I only looked like another girl things would be perfect. I am so mad at myself that I let the comments of one person make me have a different viewpoint of myself and doubt my ability. I have pushed so many people away over the years because I feared that they were like that other guy and would hurt me. I am so grateful to have a high level of confidence now and be able to say that I am so very grateful for the people currently in my life. They make me smile and laugh and have a high level of hope for anything that comes my way. I don't feel that I have to question anything now because I have a high level of faith and fear isn't even part of my vocabulary anymore. I guess my biggest wish would be that everyone would have a high level of confidence and not fear the impossible for I believe that with faith all things are possible. It just takes effort and in the end the effort is worth it. I plead to everyone that is reading this blog..please dig deep within your soul and find the confidence that you all deserve to have. I challenge you to look in the mirror everyday and not cringe at the sight that you see but that you will gaze at the person that is looking back at you and see a beautiful strong individual.

How did I know that Nutrisystem was the best path for me?

I kept telling myself all the time that this is the year I will get into shape. I tried just changing my diet and exercising but I never stuck with the diet part. I was having a conversation with my mom about how I was tired of always making excuses. I wanted this to be the year that I made the decision to change my life. I really wanted something that would be layed out for me. The thing about nutrisystem is that they send you all your meals and you add fruit and vegetables and protein throughout the day. I learned so much about portion control and now I am not on nutrisystem anymore but I know how much I can eat and what types of food I need to eat. It has changed my viewpoint about food. I now look at food in a new light....I don't look at it as something to make me feel better when I am stressed but I look at it as something that is giving me energy and nutrients and making my body work throughout the day.

Stand Rascal Flatts with lyrics

Was I scared to lose the weight?

I guess in a way I was scared. I mostly was afraid I would fail. I thought of all the possibilities of putting so much effort into something and not obtaining what I wanted in the end. I was afraid that people would think I didn't try hard enough but I was wrong. I think the thing that helped me most to not be afraid is to find faith within myself and not look back.  I was grateful to have a ton of support and people that have encouraged me a long the way. I think that we all are scared of somethings in our lives but most importantly we can't be afraid to change ourselves for the better. 


"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic."
UNKNOWN

How did I realize I was hiding behind my weight

I never thought it was possible to hide behind your own weight. Why would someone be comfortable with that. I believe that sometimes it just happens. Over the years we become different we go through different experiences that shape us sometimes for better and sometimes for the worse. We also live in a world where people try to make us feel like we have to change to fit into what is "normal" in today's society.  I never struggled with anorexia or bulimia but I did struggle with over-eating. I got stressed and I would eat. I remember one day looking back at the reflection looking back at me and wondering where I had gone. I remember looking at pictures from family parties and feeling ashamed for the way I looked because I knew that I had gotten lost within my weight.  I wanted to change but not because I wanted to change my very being but because I wanted to feel healthier and proud and pleased to look at pictures of myself. I feel I hid behind my weight because I did in fact feel comfortable but also stuck. It takes a lot of effort and motivation to make a change within ourselves.  The biggest thing I have learned is that you shouldn't lose weight based on a number on a scale or to please others around you. The biggest reason to make a change is to do it for yourself to take any baggage we hold on our shoulders by past pains that others and ourselves have inflicted on us and do it to help ourselves become whole again. My biggest thing I have learned from the transformation isn't' what the number says on the scale but worth that I have created within my soul and being.

August 13, 2011

“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” Anthony Robbins


Before my weight loss...I always made excuses for not getting in shape. I hid behind my weight because I was afraid of showing the whole Jackie. I hid behind my weight like a blanket covering me. I now feel invigorated...free...and ready for anything. I am proud to stand in front of the mirror and it is an amazing to stare back at the person looking back and me and see a beautiful person full of potential and who thrives to help others see their beauty as well. I feel like I have to get to know my self again because of my full transformation inside and out. I won't lie it has been a difficult process and it will continue to be..but the process is worth all the blood sweat and tears :)

Quote of the day #1

I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there's only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am. 

August 11, 2011

I have been thinking a lot about the past 3 months and what all started my decision to lose weight and have a whole transformation. When I was little I never worried about my weight or how I looked. it just wasn't a concern of mine. I remember the older I got I started to see how obsessed others were in regards to weight and appearance. I had multiple friends battle eating disorders and I was always there  trying to help them see that they mattered and that  they didn't have to resort to such drastic measures. When I went to college I dated a guy my freshmen year and he always made comments about appearance. He even resorted one time to telling me that if I only looked liked this other girl that things would work out. It created such disorted views in my mind of not feeling worthy or feeling like I mattered but over the years I have met so many amazing people who have changed my perception of myself and have showed me that I do matter and that I am a beautiful person.  I didn't sign up for nutrisystem just to lose weight but to do something big for myself and to dig deep within myself and become the person I was meant to be. I am more confident now and am excited for the journey ahead of me wherever it takes me. :)